"The faithful were wearing necklaces, to remind them why they came. Some concrete motivation, when the abstract could not do the same"

I received a cross necklace for Christmas. It is made of silver from Ethiopia, and my sister-in-law (one of those wonderful people who manages to keep having quiet faith despite doubts and bad church experiences and all that) gave it to me. It's beautiful, and I love it. But when (and how) should I wear it?

I've been thinking about getting a cross for a while but kept balking for two reasons. The first was that, like Annie Dillard's monumental book Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, it's not something one should just buy new from a store. It should be well-worn, or be a gift, or have a history beyond just that of a consumerist desire. My sister-in-law solved that problem for me.

The second reason why I avoided getting a cross was that I couldn't figure out how to treat it. After all, it's a visible symbol of my faith, and a pretty nasty torture implement besides -- I can't just treat it like any other piece of jewelry. So wearing it because it happens to go with my outfit is not good, I think. But on the other hand, I don't want to wear it all the time. Besides the vain objection that I like my other necklaces and want to wear them sometimes too, there's the more serious idea that I don't always want to wear my religious affiliation around my neck. Sometimes I want to 'pass' as normal, not because I'm ashamed of my religion (at least, I hope that's not the case) but because I don't want to activate someone's hangups around Christianity. I still make immediate assumptions when I see someone wearing a cross -- how am I to expect someone who doesn't share my beliefs not to do the same?

My friend Victoria suggested a possible resolution to these sort of mental gymnastics -- just wear the cross when I'm doing something particularly Christian -- going to church or giving a sermon or something. But how can I do anything and not be a Christian? If I'm right about my beliefs, if they should undergird and support everything I do and say and decide, then I shouldn't ever take the cross off. But on the other hand, my beliefs should not be so tied up in some sort of external symbol -- the cross should be a reminder and a symbol of my faith, not the source of it. And so the debate in my head rages on...

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As an addendum, the title of this post is taken (slightly adapted) from Pedro the Lion's song Secret of the Yoke. I performed it once as a dramatic piece at a theology conference, and want to do so again someday. It's the closest I've seen in modern music to the laments of the psalms and Lamentations which are so tragically neglected by modern (and postmodern) churches. Here are the lyrics:

I could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the member’s faces were smiling
with their hands outstretched to shake

it’s true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
I could not find you anywhere

could someone please tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall
I still have never seen you, and somedays
I don’t love you at all

the devoted were wearing bracelets
to remind them why they came
some concrete motivation
when the abstract could not do the same
but if all that’s left is duty, I’m falling on my sword
at least then, I would not serve an unseen distant lord

could someone please tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall
I still have never seen you, and somedays
I don’t love you at all

if this only a test
I hope that I’m passing, 'cause I’m losing steam
but I still want to trust you

peace, be still
peace, be still
peace, be still